Thirty One Things that Spock will Never Do
by Maranni123
Summary: Inspired by a piece from deviantART, here are thirty-one things that Spock will never do unless we make him. Silliness, language and hilarity warnings, along with some hints of K/S. Not to be taken too seriously, just having some fun.
1. Chapter 1

Thirty-One Things that Spock will Never Do

By: Maranni123

Original List by: lolitaxlolita from DeviantART

Chapter One

Disclaimer: XP Please don't kill me for starting yet another project! Before you read this, go search up "Things Spock will never Do" on DeviantART. It is what this plethora of stories is based upon. XD Anyway, really, most of these are crack, plain and simple. They will be silly, hilarious, and a bit odd. Those are my only warnings. They will also be very short but hey, does that really matter? And I know nothing about science, so any science talk stems from my own imagination. ;D Oh, and I'll be hinting some K/S goodness while I'm at it. Really, it won't be now and it'll be just glimmers, but it's a warning none the less. Un-betaed, so all mistakes are mine. XD Thank you again to lolitaxlolita for allowing me to steal her ideas and please enjoy!

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The First Thing that Spock will Never Do: Say "Fabulous" instead of "Fascinating".

"It appears that the majority of the flora on this planet feeds from the very center of the planet's own core," Spock explained to the handful of scientists that were hovering over him.

Spock gestured to the small flower currently incased within a protective glass covering and pointed to the plant's extremely long roots.

"The roots of the plants appear to dig deep into the planet itself until they reach the planet's core," he continued on quickly. "Which is similar to that of the Earth's core as the core's make-up is mainly of molten magma. It will require more tests to insure my own findings, but I am positive that the flora of Biemoz can produce a reliable energy source for the inhabitants currently situated on the planet's surface."

The Science Department of the Enterprise all let out exclaims of Spock's genius and praise before they began to set up the many tests that would be needed to insure that Spock's finding about the flora of Biemoz were sound. From the doorway of the lab, a grin on his face, James T. Kirk shook his head fondly at his First Officer and friend, who was once again examining the roots of the small flower.

'As if Spock is ever wrong,' Jim mused as he walked over to the half-Vulcan.

Hearing Jim's approaching footsteps, Spock raised his head and allowed a faint smile to reach his face at the sight of his Captain.

"Captain," he said quickly, the excitement clear in his voice to Jim but unknown to the other's in the room. "Have you seen the flora of Biemoz? I must say, it is quite an extraordinary find."

Jim held in the chuckle that threatened to overwhelm him at his normally stoic First Officer's near childlike behavior and shook his head, craning his neck to examine the flower.

"Not yet," he admitted. "But by the look of things around here, this flower must be pretty amazing."

Spock nodded, only half listening to Jim speak. "Indeed," he agreed, leaning downward to study the ends of the flower's roots. A small light of pleasure entered Spock's eyes and Jim wondered what Spock could have seen to cause such a reaction. "It is quite amazing, as you say. The inhabitants of Biemoz have yet to discover a reliable means of powering their cities and now, with this discovery, we may be able to provide to them that means. It is simply fabulous Captain."

Jim opened his mouth to agree with his First Officer before he froze in mid speech. For a moment, a moment unnoticed by Spock, Jim was frozen to the spot.

'No, he did not just say…'

"Spock?"

Spock glanced up from the small white petals of the flower and gave Jim a minute look before his gaze went back to the flower. "Yes Captain?"

Jim bit his lip, absolutely sure that he had misheard Spock. "Could you please repeat what you just said?" he asked.

Spock frowned softly but continued to examine the petals of the flower. "I believe I said that it is simply fabulous to find such a discovery, Captain."

Jim bit his lip harder in an attempt to stifle the laugh that was threatening to overcome him.

'Oh my freaking God!'

"I see," Jim finally said after a long pause. He coughed softly as his battle over the urge to bust out laughing started to get the better of him. "Well, I agree with you Spock. Such a discovery is simply…"

Jim coughed again, not wanting to laugh at Spock's expense but damn it, Spock said fabulous!

"Fabulous," Jim finished, nearly sawing his bottom lip in half to keep in his laughter.

Spock, who noticed nothing, simply nodded again, his face bright with the scientist's sense of discovery. "Indeed."

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A/N: It is just simply fabulous! XD Well, that's the grand beginning. I hope you guys liked it. If you did, then review! If you didn't like it, then review! And if you want me to stop posting new things and just finish my other projects already, then review! XD Good night everyone! The next chapter will be up soon!


	2. Chapter 2

Thirty-One Things that Spock will Never Do

By: Maranni123

Original List by: lolitaxlolita from DeviantART

Chapter Two

Disclaimer: Now, this one kind of kicked my ass for a few days, but I did get it done and although I'm a bit unsure about it, I do hope you guys like it. :D Un-betaed as usual, so please point out all mistakes. A shout out to all the people who reviewed. Honestly, I didn't think anyone would like this. XP Enjoy!

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The Second Thing that Spock will Never Do: Slap McCoy in the face with a glove and challenge him to a duel.

Jim was literally bouncing with excitement as he stepped onto the bridge, Spock and McCoy behind him.

"Good morning everyone," the young captain sang out happily.

The crew all turned to welcome their captain aboard with equally bright smiles and Sulu jumped up from the captain's chair and bowed as he grandly reached out a hand towards his captain.

"My Captain," Sulu proclaimed with a dramatic flare. "Your throne awaits you."

Jim ate it up like candy.

Holding up his head high with pride, Jim took Sulu's out-stretched hand to allow the helmsman to guide him to his "throne". McCoy let out a small groan as he and Spock followed, the half-Vulcan surprisingly showing no signs of embarrassment or discomfort. All around them, yeomen and lieutenants alike were trying to hold in their very unprofessional giggles at the sight of their Captain, First Officer and CMO. After all, it wasn't every day that your commanding officer's came to work dressed in 18th century clothing. Although, all the females aboard, as well as a good number of men, would admit that the waistcoats and stockings did look pretty damn sexy.

Uhura rolled her eyes fondly at her captain and gave Spock a small wave, one which he returned with a warm nod. Although their romantic relationship had ended prior to the start of the Enterprise's five year mission, the two officers had made sure that the relationship had ended well enough that they could continue to be friends, Spock being extremely grateful for it. He valued Uhura's friendship immensely and was pleased to see that Uhura valued his friendship just as well.

Jim sat down in the captain's chair with a rather dramatic sigh and waved a hand at Sulu.

"You are dismissed, good sir," he stated regally, his smile ruining in the effect.

Sulu bit his lip to hold in his laughter and he bowed again. "As you wish, my Lord," he answered, before he made his way back to the navigation station where Chekov, who looked as if he were about to chew off his own bottom lip, was waiting for him.

Jim glanced over to McCoy, who was standing on his left, scowling at the air while he tugged at his dark navy waistcoat.

"I like that," he said cheerfully. "'My Lord'. You should all start calling me that."

McCoy didn't answer. Instead, he just continued to pull and tug at his clothing. Spock, however, having been caught in a fairly good mood when the Jim had come into his quarters with their costumes, decided to humor his Captain. With a slight lift of his eyebrow, Spock turned to give Jim a small bow.

"As you wish," he said softly, only the barest amount of humor evident in his voice. "My Lord."

Jim and McCoy both turned to give Spock a surprised stare before Jim broke out into one of the biggest smiles Spock had ever seen. The crew just continued to snicker quietly.

The three men did look rather dashing however, despite the crew's obvious amusement. Jim was garbed in a golden waistcoat, with matching golden trousers and a ruffled pristine white undershirt, with a matching pair of white stockings. Spock and McCoy had donned similar clothing, only their waistcoats and trousers were blue instead of golden, like their captain. However, all three men were wearing shining black buckled shoes and all three were wearing spotless white gloves.

McCoy, unaffected by everyone else's good mood, scoffed.

"Damn it Jim," he mumbled. "I'm a doctor, not a clown!" He waved his hand over himself angrily. "Why do we even have to wear all this crap now?" he asked. "We're leaving for Romeilie in an hour!"

Jim simply gave Spock a waggle of his eyebrows and the half-Vulcan turned to McCoy with another small bow.

"We are currently wearing our costumes now Doctor," Spock explained. "Because it is only logical to, as you humans say, 'break in' our outfits before our mission."

McCoy rolled his eyes and gave Spock a glare. "Oh, who are you kidding ya green blooded hobgoblin," McCoy sneered, crossing his arms over his chest. "You're just saying that when really, the only reason why we're in these damn clothes is because Jim wanted to be a child and play dress up!"

Spock raised an eyebrow and Jim let out a small chuckle as Sulu let out a rather loud gasp.

"Oh dear," Uhura exclaimed, getting into the mood as well. "It appears as if the good Doctor has insulted our Lord, Spock!"

Chekov lifted his hand and let out a small giggle himself. "You must redeem him, Commander," the young ensign cried.

McCoy rolled his eyes again. "Oh, dear Lord," he grumbled, planting his face into his gloves. "Am I the only sane one on this damn ship?"

Jim gave Spock a wink before he raised his own gloved hand to his forehead, a look of disbelief printed on his face. "I have been disgraced," he exclaimed, leaning back into his chair. "My honor has been insulted! Spock, you must redeem my honor, as my First Officer!"

Spock, feeling a small bubble of humor rising in his chest, most likely from the happy humans around him, stared at Jim for a moment before he removed his hands from his back and pulled off one of his gloves. The crew watched, a grin plastered upon every face, as Spock took a few steps forward until he was standing in front of McCoy, who still had his face in his hands.

A few seconds passed and then everyone aboard gasped when Spock slapped McCoy across the face with his glove, startling the Doctor from his self-pity party. The surprise of the attack caused McCoy to take a few steps back from the captain's chair, his eyes wide with shock and disbelief. Everyone on the bridge watched with wide eyes as Spock slowly replaced his glove and pointed toward McCoy, his eyes stern and serious.

"For your disgraceful insults to our Captain," he declared loudly. "I challenge you, Doctor McCoy, to a duel!"

Silence filled the bridge, McCoy openly gawking at Spock with his mouth wide open. Then, breaking the silence, Jim nearly toppled out of his chair as laughter overtook him. As soon as Jim began to laugh, so did the rest of the crew. Uhura had her mouth covered as she chuckled quietly to herself while Sulu and Chekov held each other up, their laughter being too strong for them.

McCoy blinked, and then his face turned red as he glared at Spock, who was giving him his own Vulcan version of a smirk. "Are you serious?" the doctor screamed, holding onto his cheek.

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A/N: Well, there you go. Like I said, I'm not too sure about it, but I hope you guys like it. :D Spock's third thing he'll never do will be up soon! Good night everyone!


	3. Chapter 3

**A Message to All My Readers and Watchers**

**First off, I'm sorry for the false update. Currently, I'm typing this on the computer at the library near my apartment. Due to my laptop's hard drive having some major issues, I will not be able to update for quite some time. **

**Trust me when I tell you that I'm pretty upset about it myself. I also hate updates that aren't really updates, like the one I'm writing now, but I had to make sure that you all knew that I'm not abandoning anything. I'm still going to finish all of my stories and I will respond to every review that I've gotten when I can. However, I will be absent from fan fiction until my laptop is fixed. **

**I'm sorry guys, I really am. Please, do not leave a review for this chapter, as it's not really a chapter. I will replace this with the proper chapter once my laptop is fixed. Thank you all for understanding this and I hope you don't hate me for giving you a false update.**

**Yours truly,**

**Maranni123**


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